Tag Archives: relationships

6 Ways to Spice up your Long Term Relationship

26 Aug

I’m at that stage in my relationship where it’s not new, but we’re not married – or even close to it. We’re just…existing. With this existence comes bickering that combat sweet-nothings. We need a change.

I want to be honest with you, ladies.

I am in love with this man. He is my pulse and my air. Without him I don’t know what I would do. I know he is the man that I will marry and grow old with…yet sometimes I can’t stand him.

I know someone out there is feeling what I’m going through. So here are some suggestions to spice up your long-term relationship:

1. Be “perfect strangers”: Plans to meet up for dinner? Pretend to be meeting for the first time. Ladies, this is where your “Sasha Fierce” can come in to play! Tempt him and seduce him like you never have. Who knows, it could end up in a bathroom rendezvous (we won’t tell!).

2. Live outside the box. No longer for thinkers, outside the box is where you should jump every now and then. Do an activity you guys have NEVER done but have ALWAYS wanted to do. Bungee jump? Kayak? You can comfort one another if things get a little crazy.

3. Take a week off. Now before I get my head chewed off and handed to me, let me preface by saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I personally believe a week off can do more good than harm (backwards, I know!). Take the time to go do something for yourself that you could never do as a couple. No matter what, you should never lose sight of who you are as a person. You can never fully love someone else until you love yourself wholly!

4. Grow something together. Whether it be a simple houseplant or taking turns feeding a goldfish, growing something reassures you that together you two can conquer the world.

5. Kick it old school. Nothing is greater than watching your guy run in circles while flying a kite. How about wiffle ball or cats cradle? Playing games you played as a child, together, is a guaranteed activity that will end in giggles and smooches in the grass.

6. (Trench) + (Heels) – Clothes. Just show up, he’ll take care of the rest. Trust me.

Okay, so admittedly half of these are not so spicy but they DO work. Do you ladies have any other suggestions for spicing things up?? Let us know!

When It’s Okay to Fade Away

12 Oct

Lately I find myself listening to Ne-yo’s “Fade Into the Background” more and more.  You know, another love song about how he’s lost the love of his life to someone else because he effed up royally.  Now, I didn’t really bother with “Year of the Gentleman” until this year, though I had heard the song in question once or twice before.  But timing is everything.

A few weeks back  I had “Fade Into the Background” on repeat during a melancholy mood.  “That song is so depressing!” a friend remarked.  “No,” I said “it’s honest and necessary.”  Though their relationship was a total fail, Ne-yo’s song is about being a man and finally accepting (and taking responsibility for) the pair’s outcome.

Not easy.

It wasn’t until the ten millioneth time I heard the song this week that it became completely clear to me: this song’s not just totally painful and masochistic, it’s a necessary evil for him, it’s coderizing the wound.  Sometimes it takes that great shocking moment to put it all behind you and carry on.  Too often people (by people I almost wholly mean women) cling to the droplets of memory that truly belong to someone else – your past self.  It seems a little over dramatic and mentally ill to attend your ex’s wedding to another but it’s what was needed, at least figuratively.  Speaking from personal experience, there’s a shred of hope that you can hold for a long, long time that the one you love will prove you wrong; he’ll prove me wrong. He will admit his faults and shortcomings and will need you back.  Little do we realize that holding this tattered dream can be more harmful than some of his errs against us.

While real life’s not as beautifully and melodically organized as song, anyone can identify with the dual sides of Ne-yo’s cry: He – he has to once and for all acknowledge she’s moved and be content with fading away, to become a solid part of her past and fully move into his future; She – she is moving on with the RIGHT man, a decision she’s capable of only because she’s already made the decision to fade away from her old lover and can still offer him a smile. Dual sides of the song offer valuable insight and advice.  Ladies, be that bride.