Archive by Author

The pain of Betrayal

28 Mar

When we met he told me how beautiful I was. He called me “Babe” and “Sweetie”.  He had such swagger like he knew me from way before.

Three months of dating, he said he loved me. He would say he “wants me to be his wife, the mother of his kids”. The thought never crossed my mind that school began in three weeks and I would be  leaving New York for three years. Every day we spoke on the phone, endless conversations about what he was doing? How was his day?

After those three years, we decided now is the time for us to be together. I was to move back to New York so we could be together and start our lives together.

Then the day happened. The day no woman looks towards. The day her best friend of 15 years says she’s pregnant by the man you are laying right next to. The look of pain, disgust and shame crept across my face. The fact that she called me to tell me and didn’t know he was in my bed was priceless; My mind quickly went to all the times they would end up together in social scenes.

Until this very day, he calls me saying he made a mistake; He opted for convenience.

Sitting here wondering, Did he love me or not?


The light at the end of the tunnel….

16 Mar

Some people think that there is no light at the end of the tunnel, and all the hard work and trials they go through have no real reward at the end. Having someone in your corner is something everyone looks for – having that person with you when you need a support system is worth it (whether it be family, friends or a spouse). The light is whatever your goal is – what makes you happy, what makes you want to wake up in the morning and feel as though you are making a significant influence on your community.

Don’t do something that you don’t want to do, just to make others happy. All the hard work, crying , losing people who have been in your life for ever (there is a reason they didn’t make it to your future and stayed in your past). Not everyone will be there for you throughout your life. Don’t stress over things which you have no real control over, forcing yourself into deep stages of depression and weight loss/gain. All of these are things which test your determination and your will for a better you.

At the end remember it is about you, it’s your life so live it. Classes will get harder. There will be disappointment (well, there is no way around that) and challenges (would you really appreciate something you didn’t work for?). Fight every obstacle in your way so when you reach the threshold of your destiny and achieve that goal you are able to appreciate it and know that you worked hard for this.

The moral of the story? The light at the end of the tunnel is not a sentence…it is a stepping stone to your life. No matter what. Be proud of where you are, love who you are and never be ashamed of what you are becoming. So just do what you have to in order to be happy. NEVER give up. The light will come….

What you do before and after is all up to “YOU”!

Dear Diary….

10 Mar

Bridging the gap…. one of the things I have found to be quite interesting is the generation gap between our generation and that of other generation after and even before us.

Women from the generation before ours were taught to be very submissive to the male of the household. Whatever he said was what was to be followed your opinion really didn’t matter. Cooking, cleaning and taking care of home was treasured.

Young women coming of age now are more independent and likely to do what they feel is to be done and less likely to listen to their mates in certain matters. When the question was first brought up, women were raised this way in order to catch and keep their husbands. This of course was the time when men could be kept. This rose a very good question, what keeps a man now a days. Is it independence or submissive behavior?

Some black men feel women have not changed, as the old saying goes “same game different players”, looking at the baby boomers men knew about chivalry and opening doors for their mates, allowing her to walk on the inside while he walked on the outside. Displays of how much he cares for you were acceptable, over the years things that had become socially acceptable has become something that punks do. My confusion is if cooking, cleaning and treating a man like a man by being there for him and always being by his side, what keeps a man or is there even a way to keep a man?

Men will be Men?

7 Mar

This is a weird instance…an old love from back in the day (we all know they have a tendency of coming back) calls me. And like any woman, I took a look back into his past and began to realize why I used to like him. We begin talking and the reality sets in that he is the man I have wanted all my life – goal oriented, career driven, outgoing and an overall wonderful guy. But he’s too far away for me to travel and see him. To my surprise he likes me and is very proud of my accomplishments since HS and suggests that we stay friends until the opportunity awards us to be able to be together.

The problem is why we as women want what we want when we want it? Very inpatient and unwilling to waiver what we have already planned for? As far as I am concerned he’s as good as mine but the thought never came into my mind…what if he’s not?

SO I’m asking, do we plan for what is not ours?

Dear Diary: 3.1.09

2 Mar

It’s been a while since I have seen a man with the ability to sweep me off my feet. My attraction is to a man who knows how to be a man; a man that knows what a girl expects from him. So it was a surprise to me when an old crush from high school came back in my life. He knew me very well, he makes me laugh and knows how to tell a joke and can laugh at himself. The problem is that I sometime  find something to destroy the relationship and he might not want me anymore. Some say to let it go and let live; but how do you let go when you have been hurt more times than necessary?

Is having a “baby” the new pick up line?

27 Feb

In the whole scheme of things he was cute and really attractive, until the unfaithful moment he opened his mouth. He looked me dead in the eyes with the big browns of his and said ” do you have a baby? want one”. Is this a pick up line?

ladies if i’ve been misinformed, please let me know!