8 Signs He’ll Be Bad in Bed

3 May

Whilst perusing the internet, I came upon this interesting and extremely scientific set of data regarding how a man will shape up in the sack.  Here is the list, compliments of thefrisky.com, with my own interpretations and addons. Very valid points, thanks Amelia.

We suppose this would be considered NSFW, use your better judgement…

1. He’s a bad kisser. I’d have to whole heartedly agree.  Great sexual chemistry starts with a kiss, so if you can’t get excited from that, chances are you probably won’t get excited about  anything.

2. He’s wasted. Duh. Machine’s shut down, nothin’s gonna happen.  And even if he is semi-functional, semi’s not gonna cut it. Nothing is less sexy then a sloppy hot mess on top of you.

3. He has no rhythm. Now, people have made the argument for a while that if one “can’t dance” then they’re probably bad in bed – applicable to both men and women.  I’d say I’d have to disagree with that bit just because most men (or people) aren’t great dancers. The author here makes the point that if you can’t be in synch with each other at all on the dance floor, it won’t translate to the bedroom.

4.  He isn’t carrying condoms. I.E. if he’s not prepared nothing’s happening OR that he doesn’t get any.  To that I say, I guesssssss. If you have a bunch of rubbers in your pocket, you’re definitely not getting any from me anyway cuz that means you’re always gettin’ busy.  If he’s carrying the “just in case” condom, which men stupidly store in their wallet, that’s a no too – since you’re ruining it by enclosing it in a small, heated environment.  Some just say that if he’s always ‘ready’ then he’s not getting any and is therefore a lame.  MAYBE HE’S JUST NOT A WHORE or is currently single.  That’s FINE. Hmph.

5.  He always interrupts you. Haaaaaaa.  If he doesn’t care what you’re saying, he’s not going to give a damn how you’re feeling….anywhere. And if he won’t let you finish a damn sentence, he’s definitely not gonna let you finish your Big O.

6.  He talks about his mom. A Lot. Note the added emphasis on my part.  Who doesn’t want a guy who loves and respects his Momma? But there’s a thin line between a healthy, grounded relationship and scary.  Take note, gentleman.

7.  He says he never masterbates. Then he’s dead.   Thefrisky’s point is that whether he’s lying (exactly) or telling the truth (whoa) he’s a freak. Next.

8.  He smells. Lmao.  Doesn’t even need an explanation.

Ladies, take heed. Don’t get caught out there!

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