When It’s Okay to Fade Away

12 Oct

Lately I find myself listening to Ne-yo’s “Fade Into the Background” more and more.  You know, another love song about how he’s lost the love of his life to someone else because he effed up royally.  Now, I didn’t really bother with “Year of the Gentleman” until this year, though I had heard the song in question once or twice before.  But timing is everything.

A few weeks back  I had “Fade Into the Background” on repeat during a melancholy mood.  “That song is so depressing!” a friend remarked.  “No,” I said “it’s honest and necessary.”  Though their relationship was a total fail, Ne-yo’s song is about being a man and finally accepting (and taking responsibility for) the pair’s outcome.

Not easy.

It wasn’t until the ten millioneth time I heard the song this week that it became completely clear to me: this song’s not just totally painful and masochistic, it’s a necessary evil for him, it’s coderizing the wound.  Sometimes it takes that great shocking moment to put it all behind you and carry on.  Too often people (by people I almost wholly mean women) cling to the droplets of memory that truly belong to someone else – your past self.  It seems a little over dramatic and mentally ill to attend your ex’s wedding to another but it’s what was needed, at least figuratively.  Speaking from personal experience, there’s a shred of hope that you can hold for a long, long time that the one you love will prove you wrong; he’ll prove me wrong. He will admit his faults and shortcomings and will need you back.  Little do we realize that holding this tattered dream can be more harmful than some of his errs against us.

While real life’s not as beautifully and melodically organized as song, anyone can identify with the dual sides of Ne-yo’s cry: He – he has to once and for all acknowledge she’s moved and be content with fading away, to become a solid part of her past and fully move into his future; She – she is moving on with the RIGHT man, a decision she’s capable of only because she’s already made the decision to fade away from her old lover and can still offer him a smile. Dual sides of the song offer valuable insight and advice.  Ladies, be that bride.

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One Response to “When It’s Okay to Fade Away”

  1. Ainz Neal October 18, 2009 at 10:39 PM #

    This was a great read…

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