Commuter-cation: I’m Scared of Pregnant People

31 Aug

I’m a Christian woman with many fears (a character flaw which probably has Jesus PO’d at me). One of my biggest fears is pregnant women…walking the streets.

pregnant warrior with deer-hooks by dizznbonn.

 

I think they should walk with little signs on their backs, like little bibs that track runners wear. A “P” on it will do. It can stand for “pregnant” or “pouch”. If they have one on, when I’m rushing behind them to catch the train…see the “P” on their backs and know this is a Kangaroo–baby onboard.

The sign is necessary! From the back I can’t see the belly bulge. I fear that I will scream at a pregnant woman who is taking too long in front of me — trying to catch that train her belly will most likely make the both of us miss.

I think they should stay home during their entire pregnancy. I know this is unrealistic because of the recession and this incurable and unstoppable outbreak of SingleMomitis. I fear they slip during cold winters or someone rushing might clip the back of their shoes. Because of this, amidst the hustle and bustle of NYC life, I take my time. I pretend everyone is pregnant (Men and Women). I keep as much distance as Usain Bolt and second place when I see these pregnant people. You should too.

Lord, help me…get to work on time.

-picture by dizznbonn. She doesn’t share my fear…even though a lot of pregnant women want to buss me up right now.

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