Love CAN be Magic…

30 May

Love can be magic…and magic is most often an illusion.

Contrary to what the title might suggest I am not a cynic about love (or much of anything else for that matter). Neither am I insanely optimistic about love. I am married  for  just  over a year  now and  I was thoroughly embarrassed when  my husband and I had our first post marital  argument. I was under the impression that we were supposed to be stupid with love and cross eyed with lust for at least 2 years…shooooot… I got a month before he got on my damn nerve! (That’s a generous estimate), I mean tap danced on my last good reserve nerve! (The one I saved for long winded cousins who call me from down south to talk about nothing for hours and then get to the good stuff 2 minutes before they hang up!). But truth be told, my husband and I had been through so much before the wedding that we looped right back around on the crazy train and fell in love again. I had no illusions about what he was or rather who he was. I didn’t marry my husband because he swept me off my feet and gazed lovingly into my eyes and professed to love me until the end of time. No my husband is no black Justin Timberlake. In fact no one could’ve shattered my heart the way that he did…in fact, shattered is putting it mildly. (Why did I get married? Oh yeah…there is a point folks)…

I married my husband because something bigger than me, and deeper than I ever thought I was, recognized him.  I knew this man in a profound way. I realized that he was flawed and in seeing that I realized that I was a little wild too!  I know him like I know my babies and myself. And even with knowing all of this, each day I learn a new side of him. What looked like a muddy pond is actually a clear, deep ocean (still polluted in some spots but no Hudson River.)

What I am saying is that my husband will never be the kind of man who reads me poetry or brings me flowers just because. There aren’t any flowery sentiments in greeting cards,  just his name in crappy handwriting. On some days I sigh and think, “damn, can a sistah get at least a carnation?!  You don’t know any Luther Vandross songs?! No, watching the Porn Awards on Showtime isn’t foreplay! Watching u play Madden isn’t quality time”.  I would like if sometimes he were more PG-13. But, he is generally NC-17 rated R/XXX live/raw and uncut all the time LOL. This is actually just a small fraction of the time, even if in my mind it seems huge. For the most part he loves me in a very concrete  and real way. It’s not magical in the typical Hollywood/lifetime/HBO kind of way.  We have the kind of love where he offers to shape up sideburns I DON’T have! (I swear I don’t)!  He gossips with me like one of the girls (no babe, I have no idea who would dare wear South Pole jeans with dress shoes to the club). But when I burst into tears once while in a Wendy’s when I was pregnant with my son (because I was eating slowly), he ate slowly as well so I wouldn’t “look stupid all by myself.”

I’m not an optimist; I will never believe the story about the pair of mystery panties that got mixed up in the laundry (even if he is telling the truth). And I am no cynic. I don’t tell girlfriends  “he aint sh**, won’t be sh**, can’t do sh**, and will probably have kids that aint sh**” when they meet a new man.  I am a realist. He may not promise me forever in so many words but he does tell me that he hopes when we are old he gets to go first because what’s left after me? It’s morbid but real. I opted to forgo the smoke, mirrors and carnival music for this love. Crazy, arguing-a-month-after-the-wedding, no bullshit type love. Please don’t think that I’m running around singing about how I got my ring, single ladies. What I’m saying is love what you have and don’t worry about what others tell you it should be.  Real love is hardly ever what you want it to look like. There will always be ups and downs and craziness. But one thing it should never be is just an illusion.

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One Response to “Love CAN be Magic…”

  1. Latasha June 9, 2009 at 4:08 PM #

    Wow this was an eye opener! thanks zenobiaallamby1

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